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Monday, August 8, 2011

IN THE NEWS: DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PARENTS

I had a horrible altercation with my mother about an hour ago>  About a month ago her new physician prescribed medication for an underactive thyroid condition.  Additionally he had her take a vitamin supplement as well as an aspirin every day.  At the time she understood and had no problems following the istructions. This past Saturday I spoke to her and when I randomly asked how she was doing taking her medication she let me know she stopped taking it.  Apparently it made her somach feel bad (after a couple of weeks) and she stopped taking it.  The problem is she didn't tell her dctor what happened.  When I started to ask her a question she immediately shut me down (my mother throws tandrums at times depending on the situation and will tell me I am upsetting her) and said she would call the doctor Monday morning (today).  Knowing my mother will procrastinate I called the doctor myself this afternoon and left a message.  When I spoke to my mother a few hours later and told her what I did dhe became annoyed.  Told me something about the pharmacy calling and she was confused.  She told me not to call the doctor again. My response was to tell her that I was sorry she was upset but I won't apologize for what I did. Long story short she got nasty and hardly spoke to me for the remainder of the conversation.  A part of me wanted to lash out on the phone but it wouldn't have been worth it.  I know I am not dealing with the same person who gave birth to me.  This is an 83 year old and a shadow of who she once was.  Years of work and worry and whatever have caught up to her and she is a fragment of the person I knew.  I don't think she is her right n=mind any more and it wouldn't surprise me if she is planning to die.  She has lived a pretty decent life and who knows what pains she may be experiencing.  As her son though I will not apologize for doing the right thing.  She wasn't taking medication because it made her feel ill so I told the doctor.  I would gladly do it again.
A little later I found a few articles on the internet about dealing with difficult elderly parents:



How to Deal With Difficult Elderly Parents

 
How to Deal With Difficult Elderly Parents
How to Deal With Difficult Elderly Parents
mature couple grand mother and grand father image by Daria Miroshnikova from Fotolia.com
How to Deal With Difficult Elderly Parents

Overview

Caring for an elderly parent with Alzheimer's disease or one with a disagreeable disposition can be trying and overwhelming. According to the National Institute on Aging, everyday challenges that include the basics, such as eating, dressing and bathing, can be difficult. Whether you are taking care of a difficult parent at home or just visiting in a nursing home, you can effectively deal with the behaviors you will encounter.

Step 1

Talk to your parents before they develop dementia or become dependent on your assistance. Communicating their desires and expectations before needing your help prepares you for the demands you may receive eventually. When a crisis arises, you'll be able to comply with their wishes.

Step 2

Review your declining parents' financial status to make sure the money is available for the necessary care they'll need. You also can prepare for the added expenses if your elderly parents are financially insecure. Make sure you know where their insurance papers are and what legal arrangements may or may not have been made.

Step 3

Include your parents in family gatherings and duties, especially if they have to live with you. Often parents become cranky when they feel left out or excluded. According to the OCM Board of Cooperative Educational Services, aging parents should contribute to their own care and help you when they are able. They will retain more of their self-respect when asked to participate and perform whatever chores and duties they can.

Step 4

Perform a safety check of your parent's home so they can maintain more independence and less reliance on you. According to the Federal Trade Commission, great strides have been made in accessibility modifications that can help seniors. Consider such things as handrails, moving living quarters to one floor and making sure the house is free of clutter.

Step 5

Invite friends and other family members to visit with you and your parents on a regular basis to avoid burnout. According to the American Psychological Association, tension and stress usually are eased when elder parents are socially interactive.

Tips and Warnings

  • If you suspect that the elderly person is being difficult because she is depressed, encourage her to seek help through a psychologist or family doctor. According to the University of California, older people often are reluctant to talk about their feelings and don't receive proper treatment. Late-life depression, however, can be effectively treated with medication and talk therapy.
  • While your parents may require an enormous amount of personal care, you must make sure to take care of your own mental and physical health. According to the National Institute on Aging, caregivers are at risk for developing a number of conditions, ranging from depression to physical ailments. Take time off and ask for help and support from friends and family members when you need it. Don't forget about your own family when caring for your parents. According to the Employee Assistance Program at the OCM Board of Cooperative Educational Services, you have a duty to your own children and their needs as well.

References

Linda Ray
Linda Ray
Photo Credit: mature couple grand mother and grand father image by Daria Miroshnikova from Fotolia.com
Article reviewed by Allen Cone | Last updated on: 03/31/11


Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/212147-how-to-deal-with-difficult-elderly-parents/#ixzz1UUQKrHcW
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