Pre-occupied with death part 1
September 30, 2009If you are a caregiver like me then you may go through those moments where you almost obsess over the death of your loved one. Particularly if the loved one is a parent or someone over 60.
both of my parents are over 80 years old. Dad has Alzheimer’s and Mom has various aches and pains and problems with her eyes and fibromyalgia, but they are both in decent health for people their age. In fact dad’s doctor is always impressed with Dad, a recovering alcoholic and cigarette smoker as well as a cancer survivor who had his gall bladder removed over 20 years ago.
However, nobody lives forever. I know the clock is ticking for the both of them. With Dad I am aware of how Alzheimer’s works and I don’t want to see him end up like that. I often wonder whether it’s going to be the Alzheimer’s that takes him out or if it will be something else. It’s not something you look forward to, but I am a person who hates surprises so I try to anticipate and prepare.
Mom is in Florida and is also a cancer survivor. She is too inactive though. She lives with her sister who has great difficulty walking. My mother walks with the use of a walker. This is primarily because of problems with her balance. She occasionally has pains in her hip, but she can walk. However, she basically sits in one spot for the entire day. My worry with her is that she will get a stroke.
So I spend a good portion of my day worrying/preparing for a worse case scenario with the two of them while trying to appreciate the both of them as much as I can.
The question though is…how DO you actually prepare for the day you get that news that your parents are gone and how do you accept life afterwards? I live with my father. This is mostly to make sure that he eats and doesn’t have to use the stove, but quite honestly, I don’t want to live here. How do I establish my own live without feeling guilty about either or both of them? Granted, when the disease gets too severe Dad will have to go to a nursing home. Until then such a place is out of the question. But what about MY life?
both of my parents are over 80 years old. Dad has Alzheimer’s and Mom has various aches and pains and problems with her eyes and fibromyalgia, but they are both in decent health for people their age. In fact dad’s doctor is always impressed with Dad, a recovering alcoholic and cigarette smoker as well as a cancer survivor who had his gall bladder removed over 20 years ago.
However, nobody lives forever. I know the clock is ticking for the both of them. With Dad I am aware of how Alzheimer’s works and I don’t want to see him end up like that. I often wonder whether it’s going to be the Alzheimer’s that takes him out or if it will be something else. It’s not something you look forward to, but I am a person who hates surprises so I try to anticipate and prepare.
Mom is in Florida and is also a cancer survivor. She is too inactive though. She lives with her sister who has great difficulty walking. My mother walks with the use of a walker. This is primarily because of problems with her balance. She occasionally has pains in her hip, but she can walk. However, she basically sits in one spot for the entire day. My worry with her is that she will get a stroke.
So I spend a good portion of my day worrying/preparing for a worse case scenario with the two of them while trying to appreciate the both of them as much as I can.
The question though is…how DO you actually prepare for the day you get that news that your parents are gone and how do you accept life afterwards? I live with my father. This is mostly to make sure that he eats and doesn’t have to use the stove, but quite honestly, I don’t want to live here. How do I establish my own live without feeling guilty about either or both of them? Granted, when the disease gets too severe Dad will have to go to a nursing home. Until then such a place is out of the question. But what about MY life?
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