My 9/11 moment
September 22, 2009It’s been a few years since I faced my feelings and emotions from September 11, 2001. This is actually the first time since 2001 that I addressed them publically.
In 2001, September 11th came on a Tuesday. For me it was the first day of work for the week. Since I have an alternate work schedule I was off on the 10th and to make it sweeter I was out sick on September 7th. In fact, I was at the World Trade Center for the last time on that day. I had gone to the doctor and since the pharmacy I use is across the street from my job I went downtown to get my prescription filled. The World Trade Center is a few blocks away so I took a brief walk from there.
The last few weeks were pretty good. I had gone to California on vacation about a week before Labor Day and I was well rested, but picked up a cold when I got back. The usual hot and humid weather of the summer had tapered off and New York was having warm but dry days and cool evenings.
That Tuesday morning was great. I am usually rushing to get to work and I am almost always either just on time or a couple of minutes late. On this morning I woke up early and clear-headed. I got on the express bus, got a seat and had none of the usual rush hour traffic on the Bruckner Expressway. I am supposed to be at work by 8:45. I was at the McDonald’s across the street from my job at 8:05, at my desk at 8:15.
For some reason I didn’t eat my breakfast (bacon, egg and cheese biscuit and the eggs Benedict egg mcmuffin). I think I was talking to a few co-workers.
I work the reception desk at my job (I work for the federal government) and as I mentioned, work starts at 8:45. I opened my window on time. We generally do not have too many people at the window that early. They trickle in a little after nine an it builds after that. So it was quiet for a few minutes before a co-worker started talking about a plane hitting the World Trade Center.
That’s how it started. I heard nothing. From one of the office windows I could see the first plane and the destruction. I wasn’t shocked but I was stunned. It was the buzz around the office. Most people were talking about the pilot being drunk or something. How do you fly a plane into one of the Twin Towers?
I am a skeptic and a cynic. Planes fly through lower Manhattan all the time. When I was on trips I would take flights INTO Laguardia Airport because I knew the flight path often would have the flights go north from lower Manhattan meaning depending on which side of the plane you sat on, you would see the Manhattan skyline, which was the most beautiful I think in the world. But the point is….as often as planes fly over that area I wasn’t convinced this was an accident. Honest. I didn’t immediately think terrorist but I thought maybe suicide. To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure what the reason could have been . I just knew in my bones it was not an accident.
I helped a couple of people at the window, still a little confused. Less than 15 minutes later I heard a “BOOM”. My boss yelled for everyone to evacuate.
I sit at the beginning of the office so I sit near the door and not far from the stairway. I was out the door and though not running or in a panic, I walked…..FAST towards the STAIRS and hustled my big behind down 14 flights of stairs and made my way out of our building. I was disappointed I wasn’t moving fast enough because I still saw people coming down the steps behind me.
I walked out the door and aside from the hundreds of people I saw just standing there I then saw the two huge holes in the Twin Towers. You could see the smoke and there was paper littering the sky. One of my best friends said he saw people jumping from the windows. I stopped looking. I didn’t need to see that.
I was in front of my building for no more than a minute and I decided to leave. I figured by then this had to be terrorist related and if the World Trade Center was hit then my federal building could be next. I wasn’t going to wait to find out. I walked east towards west Broadway, passing hundreds of confused people standing and looking at the Towers. for some reason I did not take the subway. I can’t remember if I overheard that they weren’t running or if I just got paranoid and didn’t want to be underground, but I immediately decided to walk uptown. I got to West Broadway and I took a few pictures from my disposable camera I always carried, then walked north. When I got to Franklin Street on the number 1 line I got my first confirmation that the subways were not running. I had to walk home. I was in lower Manhattan and live in the Bronx. That is well over 145 blocks before I even get to the bridge TO the Bronx. I started my journey, occasionally turning back to see both the Towers and the growing number of people standing, staring and occasionally crying.
I walked about 15 minutes until I reached Houston Street. I saw a co-worker who told me that nobody had told her anything. I let her know that our building was evacuated and kept it moving. I walked a couple more blocks and the first Tower fell.
I didn’t even see it. I heard the screams of the crowd, turned around and saw only one building standing and a lot of smoke and dust. I continued my walk. I think I got to about 23rd Street then the other building fell.
Meantime stores I passed had radios or televisions playing the news.
By this time I had no cell phone service. In fact, I had to go into a train station to use a pay phone to call my aunt and my father. My aunt then called my mother in Florida to let her know that I was safe since the family knows I work near the World Trade Center. Nobody was allowed into the station though.
By the time I walked by Penn Station I realized a huge problem: Except for the bus, there was no transportation available. People were not allowed into Penn Station. More businesses were being let out and the city busses were packed.
I turned west on 34th Street and walked from 7th Avenue towards 8th and walked north on 8th Avenue. Again, hundreds of people standing and looking south to where the Towers now used to be and listening to whatever news they could hear.
I realized that I didn’t have to walk up to the Bronx. I had a friend and he and his family lived in Harlem. I figured I would take a bus there. That almost didn’t happen. I walked to 9th Avenue and 34th Street and each bus that passed was filled to the maximum. After about 20 minutes or so a charter bus came by and let people off. Apparently they were dispatched to transport people from what is now known as ground zero. Since a lot of people live in New Jersey they needed to get to either Penn Station or the Port Authority. The bus was going up to 72 Street. I got lucky.
At 72 Street I knew of a bus that would drop me off right in front of my destination. Once again, God was with me. MY bus stopped, empty and picked up two loads of people and I didn’t have to walk over five miles. The 5 bus runs along Riverside Drive. Normally it doesn’t pick up too many people going north so we were lucky as not too many more people got on that bus.
At my friend’s apartment, naturally the tragedy was on every station. The transit problem was less of a problem in Harlem. The further from ground zero the less of an impact, at least as it pertained to travel.
Amazingly I wasn’t too worn out from MY travel. I knew though I needed to be with my immediate family though. I was prepared to take the bus the rest of my trip home but thank God the subways started running again that evening. I was able to get home at a reasonable time and connect with my family.
The days, weeks and months after that were peculiar. The rescue and recovery efforts are well documented. I didn’t have to go to work for about two weeks. Even before I went back you could occasionally smell the smoke from ground zero, in the Bronx. Transportation was hell. Subway service was severely disrupted traffic had quite a few diversions.
Going back to work was difficult.
My building has adequate security. The guards are competent and it is difficult to run a car into the building. However, for me, getting to and from work was the worse. As I mentioned I was always rushing to just get to work on time or a few minutes late. The attacks had me overly concerned about my travel so it was now normal for me to be an hour or so late getting in.
My concerns were not so much a bomb on the subway, but having another attack in the city and the subways being stuck with me not being able to get out. Subways like the A, D, F were off limits to me since the doors are locked and you can’t go from one car to another. My feelings were/are if I need to get out I do not want to depend on anyone but myself.
Then there were the health concerns. Being an asthmatic I did not need to be in the area of ground zero. I had to be transferred to another building about a mile away, which was not much of a difference.
The job forced everyone into a briefing where we were forced to talk about our feelings as a group. To this day I think that was inappropriate. If the powers that be were so concerned they should have provided a year of individual services. Through our Employee Assistance Program I got a counselor. In fact he is still my therapist, eight years after the attacks.
How has 9/11 affected me?
Thank God my story is no where near as traumatic as others. I was not in the World trade Center. In fact I wasn’t within eight blocks of it. I didn’t stick around once I got out of my building so I didn’t get caught up in the smoke and dirt from the debris. However I avoid high riser buildings. If I had my way I wouldn’t even live in New York. I am extremely cautious in how I travel, particularly by subway. I still refuse to ride subways that lock their cars. I used to only be able to ride in the first car of the subway so I could see and hear if there were any delays. Now I am able to ride further in the train as long as I have access to a door in case I need to get out. I am more mindful about exits in theaters and buildings.
The anxiety I experience now I believe was triggered by 9/11. Granted I had my anxieties before but the attacks helped it to be more pronounced. And I still worry if I will experience some major health problem because of the poor air quality we had for months.
They are building the “Freedom Towers” where the WTC used to stand. I know I will never step foot in that place, God willing. I don’t need to be in another target.
In 2001, September 11th came on a Tuesday. For me it was the first day of work for the week. Since I have an alternate work schedule I was off on the 10th and to make it sweeter I was out sick on September 7th. In fact, I was at the World Trade Center for the last time on that day. I had gone to the doctor and since the pharmacy I use is across the street from my job I went downtown to get my prescription filled. The World Trade Center is a few blocks away so I took a brief walk from there.
The last few weeks were pretty good. I had gone to California on vacation about a week before Labor Day and I was well rested, but picked up a cold when I got back. The usual hot and humid weather of the summer had tapered off and New York was having warm but dry days and cool evenings.
That Tuesday morning was great. I am usually rushing to get to work and I am almost always either just on time or a couple of minutes late. On this morning I woke up early and clear-headed. I got on the express bus, got a seat and had none of the usual rush hour traffic on the Bruckner Expressway. I am supposed to be at work by 8:45. I was at the McDonald’s across the street from my job at 8:05, at my desk at 8:15.
For some reason I didn’t eat my breakfast (bacon, egg and cheese biscuit and the eggs Benedict egg mcmuffin). I think I was talking to a few co-workers.
I work the reception desk at my job (I work for the federal government) and as I mentioned, work starts at 8:45. I opened my window on time. We generally do not have too many people at the window that early. They trickle in a little after nine an it builds after that. So it was quiet for a few minutes before a co-worker started talking about a plane hitting the World Trade Center.
That’s how it started. I heard nothing. From one of the office windows I could see the first plane and the destruction. I wasn’t shocked but I was stunned. It was the buzz around the office. Most people were talking about the pilot being drunk or something. How do you fly a plane into one of the Twin Towers?
I am a skeptic and a cynic. Planes fly through lower Manhattan all the time. When I was on trips I would take flights INTO Laguardia Airport because I knew the flight path often would have the flights go north from lower Manhattan meaning depending on which side of the plane you sat on, you would see the Manhattan skyline, which was the most beautiful I think in the world. But the point is….as often as planes fly over that area I wasn’t convinced this was an accident. Honest. I didn’t immediately think terrorist but I thought maybe suicide. To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure what the reason could have been . I just knew in my bones it was not an accident.
I helped a couple of people at the window, still a little confused. Less than 15 minutes later I heard a “BOOM”. My boss yelled for everyone to evacuate.
I sit at the beginning of the office so I sit near the door and not far from the stairway. I was out the door and though not running or in a panic, I walked…..FAST towards the STAIRS and hustled my big behind down 14 flights of stairs and made my way out of our building. I was disappointed I wasn’t moving fast enough because I still saw people coming down the steps behind me.
I walked out the door and aside from the hundreds of people I saw just standing there I then saw the two huge holes in the Twin Towers. You could see the smoke and there was paper littering the sky. One of my best friends said he saw people jumping from the windows. I stopped looking. I didn’t need to see that.
I was in front of my building for no more than a minute and I decided to leave. I figured by then this had to be terrorist related and if the World Trade Center was hit then my federal building could be next. I wasn’t going to wait to find out. I walked east towards west Broadway, passing hundreds of confused people standing and looking at the Towers. for some reason I did not take the subway. I can’t remember if I overheard that they weren’t running or if I just got paranoid and didn’t want to be underground, but I immediately decided to walk uptown. I got to West Broadway and I took a few pictures from my disposable camera I always carried, then walked north. When I got to Franklin Street on the number 1 line I got my first confirmation that the subways were not running. I had to walk home. I was in lower Manhattan and live in the Bronx. That is well over 145 blocks before I even get to the bridge TO the Bronx. I started my journey, occasionally turning back to see both the Towers and the growing number of people standing, staring and occasionally crying.
I walked about 15 minutes until I reached Houston Street. I saw a co-worker who told me that nobody had told her anything. I let her know that our building was evacuated and kept it moving. I walked a couple more blocks and the first Tower fell.
I didn’t even see it. I heard the screams of the crowd, turned around and saw only one building standing and a lot of smoke and dust. I continued my walk. I think I got to about 23rd Street then the other building fell.
Meantime stores I passed had radios or televisions playing the news.
By this time I had no cell phone service. In fact, I had to go into a train station to use a pay phone to call my aunt and my father. My aunt then called my mother in Florida to let her know that I was safe since the family knows I work near the World Trade Center. Nobody was allowed into the station though.
By the time I walked by Penn Station I realized a huge problem: Except for the bus, there was no transportation available. People were not allowed into Penn Station. More businesses were being let out and the city busses were packed.
I turned west on 34th Street and walked from 7th Avenue towards 8th and walked north on 8th Avenue. Again, hundreds of people standing and looking south to where the Towers now used to be and listening to whatever news they could hear.
I realized that I didn’t have to walk up to the Bronx. I had a friend and he and his family lived in Harlem. I figured I would take a bus there. That almost didn’t happen. I walked to 9th Avenue and 34th Street and each bus that passed was filled to the maximum. After about 20 minutes or so a charter bus came by and let people off. Apparently they were dispatched to transport people from what is now known as ground zero. Since a lot of people live in New Jersey they needed to get to either Penn Station or the Port Authority. The bus was going up to 72 Street. I got lucky.
At 72 Street I knew of a bus that would drop me off right in front of my destination. Once again, God was with me. MY bus stopped, empty and picked up two loads of people and I didn’t have to walk over five miles. The 5 bus runs along Riverside Drive. Normally it doesn’t pick up too many people going north so we were lucky as not too many more people got on that bus.
At my friend’s apartment, naturally the tragedy was on every station. The transit problem was less of a problem in Harlem. The further from ground zero the less of an impact, at least as it pertained to travel.
Amazingly I wasn’t too worn out from MY travel. I knew though I needed to be with my immediate family though. I was prepared to take the bus the rest of my trip home but thank God the subways started running again that evening. I was able to get home at a reasonable time and connect with my family.
The days, weeks and months after that were peculiar. The rescue and recovery efforts are well documented. I didn’t have to go to work for about two weeks. Even before I went back you could occasionally smell the smoke from ground zero, in the Bronx. Transportation was hell. Subway service was severely disrupted traffic had quite a few diversions.
Going back to work was difficult.
My building has adequate security. The guards are competent and it is difficult to run a car into the building. However, for me, getting to and from work was the worse. As I mentioned I was always rushing to just get to work on time or a few minutes late. The attacks had me overly concerned about my travel so it was now normal for me to be an hour or so late getting in.
My concerns were not so much a bomb on the subway, but having another attack in the city and the subways being stuck with me not being able to get out. Subways like the A, D, F were off limits to me since the doors are locked and you can’t go from one car to another. My feelings were/are if I need to get out I do not want to depend on anyone but myself.
Then there were the health concerns. Being an asthmatic I did not need to be in the area of ground zero. I had to be transferred to another building about a mile away, which was not much of a difference.
The job forced everyone into a briefing where we were forced to talk about our feelings as a group. To this day I think that was inappropriate. If the powers that be were so concerned they should have provided a year of individual services. Through our Employee Assistance Program I got a counselor. In fact he is still my therapist, eight years after the attacks.
How has 9/11 affected me?
Thank God my story is no where near as traumatic as others. I was not in the World trade Center. In fact I wasn’t within eight blocks of it. I didn’t stick around once I got out of my building so I didn’t get caught up in the smoke and dirt from the debris. However I avoid high riser buildings. If I had my way I wouldn’t even live in New York. I am extremely cautious in how I travel, particularly by subway. I still refuse to ride subways that lock their cars. I used to only be able to ride in the first car of the subway so I could see and hear if there were any delays. Now I am able to ride further in the train as long as I have access to a door in case I need to get out. I am more mindful about exits in theaters and buildings.
The anxiety I experience now I believe was triggered by 9/11. Granted I had my anxieties before but the attacks helped it to be more pronounced. And I still worry if I will experience some major health problem because of the poor air quality we had for months.
They are building the “Freedom Towers” where the WTC used to stand. I know I will never step foot in that place, God willing. I don’t need to be in another target.
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