Sunday, October 17, 2010
Elderly and anesthesia
I found an interesting article on anesthesia. To read it go to http://www.jewishworldreview.com/0904/nextstep091304.asp
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Time Current
After a year off I am ready to restart my blog. At least this one. This took so long because 1) I needed to change from Wordpress. I think I have better options with blogger. Additionally I could not transfer my older blogs for some reason. Asking around and apparently Microsoft and the folks at Blogger don't cooperate with each other so I could not cut and paste. I had to use my old computer with a different Word program to cut and paste but I had to do it at the library since my newer laptop is connected to the internet and I always have problems connecting a different computer to it. 2) As always, time. Work, school and Dad (plus a needed social life and other problems I can't get into now) don't always allow me to write.
I am back now though.
I am back now though.
10/26/2009
10/26/2009
October 26, 2009Dad was ok today. For the past few days he has been sleeping a little more than usual. He said he was ok but he felt tired and a little weak. Saturday he sat on the couch and fell asleep around 10:30 and never took his clothes off. He slept until 11:30 Sunday morning.
Overall he seems ok. Memory seems to be fine. No fever or anything. He’s just sleeping a little longer than he once did. His blood pressure continues to fluctuate though. This morning (after 5mg of blood pressure medication) his pressure was 186/85. Last week it was as low as 107/51. I still think the high has to do with him getting anxious about going to the senior center.
His memory continues to impress me. He remembers everybody he sees. It seems like he may forget certain things that don’t really matter to him.
For now I can’t really complain.
Overall he seems ok. Memory seems to be fine. No fever or anything. He’s just sleeping a little longer than he once did. His blood pressure continues to fluctuate though. This morning (after 5mg of blood pressure medication) his pressure was 186/85. Last week it was as low as 107/51. I still think the high has to do with him getting anxious about going to the senior center.
His memory continues to impress me. He remembers everybody he sees. It seems like he may forget certain things that don’t really matter to him.
For now I can’t really complain.
10/20/2009
10/20/2009
October 20, 2009The last few days have been odd. I was feeling pretty good for about a week with no real anxious feelings but for the last two days I have been feeling apprehensive for some reason. For now I can’t tell why. I had a cold since about 10/15 but I haven’t felt anxiety over the cold ending or anything like that. I HAVE been a little burnt out with the folks so maybe that’s it. I’ll have to dig deeper into myself to see the root of the problem
Dad today was pretty good. In fact he has been very good for the most part. He wakes up every day about the same time (between 8-9). He gets up every day and gets his cereal after I get him his medication. He still goes over to the senior center every day for his lunch and since it is across the street he can go by himself. I watch him with that and the little things too since he was diagnosed with the Alzheimer’s. He comes home directly from the center and picks up his newspaper everyday after he has his lunch. He remembers to get the Amsterdam newspaper on Thursdays and to get himself together for church on Sundays. Granted, I am concerned about his blood pressure but it seems to be high only when he is about to go somewhere he likes.
I still feel apprehensive though.
Dad today was pretty good. In fact he has been very good for the most part. He wakes up every day about the same time (between 8-9). He gets up every day and gets his cereal after I get him his medication. He still goes over to the senior center every day for his lunch and since it is across the street he can go by himself. I watch him with that and the little things too since he was diagnosed with the Alzheimer’s. He comes home directly from the center and picks up his newspaper everyday after he has his lunch. He remembers to get the Amsterdam newspaper on Thursdays and to get himself together for church on Sundays. Granted, I am concerned about his blood pressure but it seems to be high only when he is about to go somewhere he likes.
I still feel apprehensive though.
10/14/2009
10/14
October 14, 2009Haven’t posted anything in a while. Things have been pretty much stable. Today Dad seemed a little shaky physically. He didn’t do anything bad so I attributed his apparent weakness and/or shakiness to the fact that he IS 82 years old AND he has always been on the frail side.
I can’t complain about his condition. He made it to 82 and a few of his friends didn’t. The Alzheimer’s/dementia occasionally shows its head but at the same time what looks like Alzheimer’s could in fact just be old age and his own personality.
For example, I bought home a few knitted hats yesterday in a plastic bag. Dad took them from me while I went shopping. When I got back an hour later he was feeling the bag. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was trying to see what was in the bag.
That should set off warning signals, however, Dad has never really been an independent thinker. By this I mean that he was always told what to do. He would sooner wait for me to tell him something was in that bag. I told him to just look inside the bag and he would see what I bought.
What I am more concerned about is blood pressure. Recently, each morning before he goes to the senior center his pressure is somewhere around 180/93. it has been as high as 196/100 before eventually going back down around 140/80. He is taking medication. Because he is obsessed with getting to the center and getting a seat I think the problems are anxiety related. It does make you worry though.
I can’t complain about his condition. He made it to 82 and a few of his friends didn’t. The Alzheimer’s/dementia occasionally shows its head but at the same time what looks like Alzheimer’s could in fact just be old age and his own personality.
For example, I bought home a few knitted hats yesterday in a plastic bag. Dad took them from me while I went shopping. When I got back an hour later he was feeling the bag. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was trying to see what was in the bag.
That should set off warning signals, however, Dad has never really been an independent thinker. By this I mean that he was always told what to do. He would sooner wait for me to tell him something was in that bag. I told him to just look inside the bag and he would see what I bought.
What I am more concerned about is blood pressure. Recently, each morning before he goes to the senior center his pressure is somewhere around 180/93. it has been as high as 196/100 before eventually going back down around 140/80. He is taking medication. Because he is obsessed with getting to the center and getting a seat I think the problems are anxiety related. It does make you worry though.
10/4/2009
Posted by jaeblacque 10/4/09 My thank God moment
October 4, 200912:34 AM
I USUALLY take a moment to thank God for all blessings. Things may not be rosy for me right now but I am 44 years old in reasonably good health, I have a job (that I hate), a decent apartment and both of my parents are alive. I have never been to prison.
I was on facebook and a friend was giving advice to people with tinnitus. There is supposed to be some treatment that may help them. I immediately thought: I would go crazy if I had that constant buzzing in my ears. Then I thought about other things, like people with emphysema or lung cancer who never catch a breath, or the visually impaired who constantly have their condition. I think about my parents and I realize I am fortunate. I have never met either of my grandmothers. They both passed away before both of my parents 30th birthday.
So before I go too deep with how miserable things are in my life I would like to thank God that I have a pretty good life.
I USUALLY take a moment to thank God for all blessings. Things may not be rosy for me right now but I am 44 years old in reasonably good health, I have a job (that I hate), a decent apartment and both of my parents are alive. I have never been to prison.
I was on facebook and a friend was giving advice to people with tinnitus. There is supposed to be some treatment that may help them. I immediately thought: I would go crazy if I had that constant buzzing in my ears. Then I thought about other things, like people with emphysema or lung cancer who never catch a breath, or the visually impaired who constantly have their condition. I think about my parents and I realize I am fortunate. I have never met either of my grandmothers. They both passed away before both of my parents 30th birthday.
So before I go too deep with how miserable things are in my life I would like to thank God that I have a pretty good life.
10/3/2009
10/3: MY GUILT
October 3, 2009I have been the caregiver for my father since around May 2000. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in May 2008, but I have been his caregiver since 2000 when it was evident to me that it was harder for him to take care of himself.
Before 2000 I was living in a a studio in Harlem. I was there from 1996 until 2000 and loved every minute of it. I like the Bronx but I am not too fond of Co-Op City. It’s too far in the Bronx. I used to call it Northeast nowhere. Now I do like the Bronx but not that far up there.
I am writing a lot about myself right now. I will keep this short since I will explain more about who I am in a future bio. But from 1993-1996 I lived with my parents, shifting back and forth between Brooklyn and the Bronx. In 1996 my mother moved to Florida and I stayed with my father until I moved to Harlem.
I never had a problem staying with them. There was no rent to pay with my mother in Brooklyn since she owned the house. My father didn’t press me for anything. With the both of them I kept a job so I didn’t have to bum money off them.
As I mentioned I ultimately moved back with Dad in 2000. I was never home. I would either be at a friend across town or at Dad. I was paying $550 a month for rent in a place I wasn’t living in. Dad was getting older and needed more attention so I went back there. I don’t regret it. Even now with his diagnosis.
But……
With the both Mom and Dad the situation is depressing. I don’t see my mother but I speak to her on the phone. She needs assistance. Dad needs assistance. I need a life. I used to live in California and LOVED it. I want to go back. If I go back I can’t look out for Mom and Dad and will feel guilty. Plus since I put my life on hold here I have not advanced much in the workforce so I couldn’t even afford to live out there by myself.
So the question is…at what point do I live my life? How do I do me and not abandon my parents?
Before 2000 I was living in a a studio in Harlem. I was there from 1996 until 2000 and loved every minute of it. I like the Bronx but I am not too fond of Co-Op City. It’s too far in the Bronx. I used to call it Northeast nowhere. Now I do like the Bronx but not that far up there.
I am writing a lot about myself right now. I will keep this short since I will explain more about who I am in a future bio. But from 1993-1996 I lived with my parents, shifting back and forth between Brooklyn and the Bronx. In 1996 my mother moved to Florida and I stayed with my father until I moved to Harlem.
I never had a problem staying with them. There was no rent to pay with my mother in Brooklyn since she owned the house. My father didn’t press me for anything. With the both of them I kept a job so I didn’t have to bum money off them.
As I mentioned I ultimately moved back with Dad in 2000. I was never home. I would either be at a friend across town or at Dad. I was paying $550 a month for rent in a place I wasn’t living in. Dad was getting older and needed more attention so I went back there. I don’t regret it. Even now with his diagnosis.
But……
With the both Mom and Dad the situation is depressing. I don’t see my mother but I speak to her on the phone. She needs assistance. Dad needs assistance. I need a life. I used to live in California and LOVED it. I want to go back. If I go back I can’t look out for Mom and Dad and will feel guilty. Plus since I put my life on hold here I have not advanced much in the workforce so I couldn’t even afford to live out there by myself.
So the question is…at what point do I live my life? How do I do me and not abandon my parents?
9/30/2009 second post
Pre-occupied with death part 1
September 30, 2009If you are a caregiver like me then you may go through those moments where you almost obsess over the death of your loved one. Particularly if the loved one is a parent or someone over 60.
both of my parents are over 80 years old. Dad has Alzheimer’s and Mom has various aches and pains and problems with her eyes and fibromyalgia, but they are both in decent health for people their age. In fact dad’s doctor is always impressed with Dad, a recovering alcoholic and cigarette smoker as well as a cancer survivor who had his gall bladder removed over 20 years ago.
However, nobody lives forever. I know the clock is ticking for the both of them. With Dad I am aware of how Alzheimer’s works and I don’t want to see him end up like that. I often wonder whether it’s going to be the Alzheimer’s that takes him out or if it will be something else. It’s not something you look forward to, but I am a person who hates surprises so I try to anticipate and prepare.
Mom is in Florida and is also a cancer survivor. She is too inactive though. She lives with her sister who has great difficulty walking. My mother walks with the use of a walker. This is primarily because of problems with her balance. She occasionally has pains in her hip, but she can walk. However, she basically sits in one spot for the entire day. My worry with her is that she will get a stroke.
So I spend a good portion of my day worrying/preparing for a worse case scenario with the two of them while trying to appreciate the both of them as much as I can.
The question though is…how DO you actually prepare for the day you get that news that your parents are gone and how do you accept life afterwards? I live with my father. This is mostly to make sure that he eats and doesn’t have to use the stove, but quite honestly, I don’t want to live here. How do I establish my own live without feeling guilty about either or both of them? Granted, when the disease gets too severe Dad will have to go to a nursing home. Until then such a place is out of the question. But what about MY life?
both of my parents are over 80 years old. Dad has Alzheimer’s and Mom has various aches and pains and problems with her eyes and fibromyalgia, but they are both in decent health for people their age. In fact dad’s doctor is always impressed with Dad, a recovering alcoholic and cigarette smoker as well as a cancer survivor who had his gall bladder removed over 20 years ago.
However, nobody lives forever. I know the clock is ticking for the both of them. With Dad I am aware of how Alzheimer’s works and I don’t want to see him end up like that. I often wonder whether it’s going to be the Alzheimer’s that takes him out or if it will be something else. It’s not something you look forward to, but I am a person who hates surprises so I try to anticipate and prepare.
Mom is in Florida and is also a cancer survivor. She is too inactive though. She lives with her sister who has great difficulty walking. My mother walks with the use of a walker. This is primarily because of problems with her balance. She occasionally has pains in her hip, but she can walk. However, she basically sits in one spot for the entire day. My worry with her is that she will get a stroke.
So I spend a good portion of my day worrying/preparing for a worse case scenario with the two of them while trying to appreciate the both of them as much as I can.
The question though is…how DO you actually prepare for the day you get that news that your parents are gone and how do you accept life afterwards? I live with my father. This is mostly to make sure that he eats and doesn’t have to use the stove, but quite honestly, I don’t want to live here. How do I establish my own live without feeling guilty about either or both of them? Granted, when the disease gets too severe Dad will have to go to a nursing home. Until then such a place is out of the question. But what about MY life?
9/30/2009
9/30/2009
September 30, 2009Dad wasn’t doing bad this morning. In fact, except for a couple of days Dad has actually been fair.
The couple of days were probably due to a death. His godson’s brother passed away last week I believe from cancer. I think he was 47 years old. I know he wanted to go to the funeral but that would have been too complicated. Since I don’t drive we would have had to depend on Access-a-ride which is normally a nightmare. You never know when they are going to be late. In fact LAST year when his aunt (my great-aunt) passed away, the funeral was in Brooklyn (we are in the Bronx) and we waited about 90 minutes for the ride. The funeral was over at 12. We asked for a 1:00 pick-up and they got there at 1:45 on the first day it actually started getting cold in New York. That was a Friday. The next day I had to put Dad in the hospital for pneumonia.
The city bus is no option.
We could have taken a taxi in both directions despite the price but ultimately we ended up not going.
In addition to the travel I thought the stress would have been too much for him. he was already a little ….different after he heard about the death. He seemed pre-occupied. It’s bad enough he is obsessed about death. He buys the daily News and the Amsterdam and the first page he goes to is the obituary page.
Now aside from that I am concerned about dad’s blood pressure. It fluctuates too much. I have seen it very low and now for the past few days it has gone up 10 201/100 before dropping to 161/80. He is taking five mg of Lisinopril now but I will take him back to the VA on Monday to let the doctor know if the pressure continues like this.
The couple of days were probably due to a death. His godson’s brother passed away last week I believe from cancer. I think he was 47 years old. I know he wanted to go to the funeral but that would have been too complicated. Since I don’t drive we would have had to depend on Access-a-ride which is normally a nightmare. You never know when they are going to be late. In fact LAST year when his aunt (my great-aunt) passed away, the funeral was in Brooklyn (we are in the Bronx) and we waited about 90 minutes for the ride. The funeral was over at 12. We asked for a 1:00 pick-up and they got there at 1:45 on the first day it actually started getting cold in New York. That was a Friday. The next day I had to put Dad in the hospital for pneumonia.
The city bus is no option.
We could have taken a taxi in both directions despite the price but ultimately we ended up not going.
In addition to the travel I thought the stress would have been too much for him. he was already a little ….different after he heard about the death. He seemed pre-occupied. It’s bad enough he is obsessed about death. He buys the daily News and the Amsterdam and the first page he goes to is the obituary page.
Now aside from that I am concerned about dad’s blood pressure. It fluctuates too much. I have seen it very low and now for the past few days it has gone up 10 201/100 before dropping to 161/80. He is taking five mg of Lisinopril now but I will take him back to the VA on Monday to let the doctor know if the pressure continues like this.
ON A PERSONAL NOTE: My 9/11 moment 2009
My 9/11 moment
September 22, 2009It’s been a few years since I faced my feelings and emotions from September 11, 2001. This is actually the first time since 2001 that I addressed them publically.
In 2001, September 11th came on a Tuesday. For me it was the first day of work for the week. Since I have an alternate work schedule I was off on the 10th and to make it sweeter I was out sick on September 7th. In fact, I was at the World Trade Center for the last time on that day. I had gone to the doctor and since the pharmacy I use is across the street from my job I went downtown to get my prescription filled. The World Trade Center is a few blocks away so I took a brief walk from there.
The last few weeks were pretty good. I had gone to California on vacation about a week before Labor Day and I was well rested, but picked up a cold when I got back. The usual hot and humid weather of the summer had tapered off and New York was having warm but dry days and cool evenings.
That Tuesday morning was great. I am usually rushing to get to work and I am almost always either just on time or a couple of minutes late. On this morning I woke up early and clear-headed. I got on the express bus, got a seat and had none of the usual rush hour traffic on the Bruckner Expressway. I am supposed to be at work by 8:45. I was at the McDonald’s across the street from my job at 8:05, at my desk at 8:15.
For some reason I didn’t eat my breakfast (bacon, egg and cheese biscuit and the eggs Benedict egg mcmuffin). I think I was talking to a few co-workers.
I work the reception desk at my job (I work for the federal government) and as I mentioned, work starts at 8:45. I opened my window on time. We generally do not have too many people at the window that early. They trickle in a little after nine an it builds after that. So it was quiet for a few minutes before a co-worker started talking about a plane hitting the World Trade Center.
That’s how it started. I heard nothing. From one of the office windows I could see the first plane and the destruction. I wasn’t shocked but I was stunned. It was the buzz around the office. Most people were talking about the pilot being drunk or something. How do you fly a plane into one of the Twin Towers?
I am a skeptic and a cynic. Planes fly through lower Manhattan all the time. When I was on trips I would take flights INTO Laguardia Airport because I knew the flight path often would have the flights go north from lower Manhattan meaning depending on which side of the plane you sat on, you would see the Manhattan skyline, which was the most beautiful I think in the world. But the point is….as often as planes fly over that area I wasn’t convinced this was an accident. Honest. I didn’t immediately think terrorist but I thought maybe suicide. To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure what the reason could have been . I just knew in my bones it was not an accident.
I helped a couple of people at the window, still a little confused. Less than 15 minutes later I heard a “BOOM”. My boss yelled for everyone to evacuate.
I sit at the beginning of the office so I sit near the door and not far from the stairway. I was out the door and though not running or in a panic, I walked…..FAST towards the STAIRS and hustled my big behind down 14 flights of stairs and made my way out of our building. I was disappointed I wasn’t moving fast enough because I still saw people coming down the steps behind me.
I walked out the door and aside from the hundreds of people I saw just standing there I then saw the two huge holes in the Twin Towers. You could see the smoke and there was paper littering the sky. One of my best friends said he saw people jumping from the windows. I stopped looking. I didn’t need to see that.
I was in front of my building for no more than a minute and I decided to leave. I figured by then this had to be terrorist related and if the World Trade Center was hit then my federal building could be next. I wasn’t going to wait to find out. I walked east towards west Broadway, passing hundreds of confused people standing and looking at the Towers. for some reason I did not take the subway. I can’t remember if I overheard that they weren’t running or if I just got paranoid and didn’t want to be underground, but I immediately decided to walk uptown. I got to West Broadway and I took a few pictures from my disposable camera I always carried, then walked north. When I got to Franklin Street on the number 1 line I got my first confirmation that the subways were not running. I had to walk home. I was in lower Manhattan and live in the Bronx. That is well over 145 blocks before I even get to the bridge TO the Bronx. I started my journey, occasionally turning back to see both the Towers and the growing number of people standing, staring and occasionally crying.
I walked about 15 minutes until I reached Houston Street. I saw a co-worker who told me that nobody had told her anything. I let her know that our building was evacuated and kept it moving. I walked a couple more blocks and the first Tower fell.
I didn’t even see it. I heard the screams of the crowd, turned around and saw only one building standing and a lot of smoke and dust. I continued my walk. I think I got to about 23rd Street then the other building fell.
Meantime stores I passed had radios or televisions playing the news.
By this time I had no cell phone service. In fact, I had to go into a train station to use a pay phone to call my aunt and my father. My aunt then called my mother in Florida to let her know that I was safe since the family knows I work near the World Trade Center. Nobody was allowed into the station though.
By the time I walked by Penn Station I realized a huge problem: Except for the bus, there was no transportation available. People were not allowed into Penn Station. More businesses were being let out and the city busses were packed.
I turned west on 34th Street and walked from 7th Avenue towards 8th and walked north on 8th Avenue. Again, hundreds of people standing and looking south to where the Towers now used to be and listening to whatever news they could hear.
I realized that I didn’t have to walk up to the Bronx. I had a friend and he and his family lived in Harlem. I figured I would take a bus there. That almost didn’t happen. I walked to 9th Avenue and 34th Street and each bus that passed was filled to the maximum. After about 20 minutes or so a charter bus came by and let people off. Apparently they were dispatched to transport people from what is now known as ground zero. Since a lot of people live in New Jersey they needed to get to either Penn Station or the Port Authority. The bus was going up to 72 Street. I got lucky.
At 72 Street I knew of a bus that would drop me off right in front of my destination. Once again, God was with me. MY bus stopped, empty and picked up two loads of people and I didn’t have to walk over five miles. The 5 bus runs along Riverside Drive. Normally it doesn’t pick up too many people going north so we were lucky as not too many more people got on that bus.
At my friend’s apartment, naturally the tragedy was on every station. The transit problem was less of a problem in Harlem. The further from ground zero the less of an impact, at least as it pertained to travel.
Amazingly I wasn’t too worn out from MY travel. I knew though I needed to be with my immediate family though. I was prepared to take the bus the rest of my trip home but thank God the subways started running again that evening. I was able to get home at a reasonable time and connect with my family.
The days, weeks and months after that were peculiar. The rescue and recovery efforts are well documented. I didn’t have to go to work for about two weeks. Even before I went back you could occasionally smell the smoke from ground zero, in the Bronx. Transportation was hell. Subway service was severely disrupted traffic had quite a few diversions.
Going back to work was difficult.
My building has adequate security. The guards are competent and it is difficult to run a car into the building. However, for me, getting to and from work was the worse. As I mentioned I was always rushing to just get to work on time or a few minutes late. The attacks had me overly concerned about my travel so it was now normal for me to be an hour or so late getting in.
My concerns were not so much a bomb on the subway, but having another attack in the city and the subways being stuck with me not being able to get out. Subways like the A, D, F were off limits to me since the doors are locked and you can’t go from one car to another. My feelings were/are if I need to get out I do not want to depend on anyone but myself.
Then there were the health concerns. Being an asthmatic I did not need to be in the area of ground zero. I had to be transferred to another building about a mile away, which was not much of a difference.
The job forced everyone into a briefing where we were forced to talk about our feelings as a group. To this day I think that was inappropriate. If the powers that be were so concerned they should have provided a year of individual services. Through our Employee Assistance Program I got a counselor. In fact he is still my therapist, eight years after the attacks.
How has 9/11 affected me?
Thank God my story is no where near as traumatic as others. I was not in the World trade Center. In fact I wasn’t within eight blocks of it. I didn’t stick around once I got out of my building so I didn’t get caught up in the smoke and dirt from the debris. However I avoid high riser buildings. If I had my way I wouldn’t even live in New York. I am extremely cautious in how I travel, particularly by subway. I still refuse to ride subways that lock their cars. I used to only be able to ride in the first car of the subway so I could see and hear if there were any delays. Now I am able to ride further in the train as long as I have access to a door in case I need to get out. I am more mindful about exits in theaters and buildings.
The anxiety I experience now I believe was triggered by 9/11. Granted I had my anxieties before but the attacks helped it to be more pronounced. And I still worry if I will experience some major health problem because of the poor air quality we had for months.
They are building the “Freedom Towers” where the WTC used to stand. I know I will never step foot in that place, God willing. I don’t need to be in another target.
In 2001, September 11th came on a Tuesday. For me it was the first day of work for the week. Since I have an alternate work schedule I was off on the 10th and to make it sweeter I was out sick on September 7th. In fact, I was at the World Trade Center for the last time on that day. I had gone to the doctor and since the pharmacy I use is across the street from my job I went downtown to get my prescription filled. The World Trade Center is a few blocks away so I took a brief walk from there.
The last few weeks were pretty good. I had gone to California on vacation about a week before Labor Day and I was well rested, but picked up a cold when I got back. The usual hot and humid weather of the summer had tapered off and New York was having warm but dry days and cool evenings.
That Tuesday morning was great. I am usually rushing to get to work and I am almost always either just on time or a couple of minutes late. On this morning I woke up early and clear-headed. I got on the express bus, got a seat and had none of the usual rush hour traffic on the Bruckner Expressway. I am supposed to be at work by 8:45. I was at the McDonald’s across the street from my job at 8:05, at my desk at 8:15.
For some reason I didn’t eat my breakfast (bacon, egg and cheese biscuit and the eggs Benedict egg mcmuffin). I think I was talking to a few co-workers.
I work the reception desk at my job (I work for the federal government) and as I mentioned, work starts at 8:45. I opened my window on time. We generally do not have too many people at the window that early. They trickle in a little after nine an it builds after that. So it was quiet for a few minutes before a co-worker started talking about a plane hitting the World Trade Center.
That’s how it started. I heard nothing. From one of the office windows I could see the first plane and the destruction. I wasn’t shocked but I was stunned. It was the buzz around the office. Most people were talking about the pilot being drunk or something. How do you fly a plane into one of the Twin Towers?
I am a skeptic and a cynic. Planes fly through lower Manhattan all the time. When I was on trips I would take flights INTO Laguardia Airport because I knew the flight path often would have the flights go north from lower Manhattan meaning depending on which side of the plane you sat on, you would see the Manhattan skyline, which was the most beautiful I think in the world. But the point is….as often as planes fly over that area I wasn’t convinced this was an accident. Honest. I didn’t immediately think terrorist but I thought maybe suicide. To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure what the reason could have been . I just knew in my bones it was not an accident.
I helped a couple of people at the window, still a little confused. Less than 15 minutes later I heard a “BOOM”. My boss yelled for everyone to evacuate.
I sit at the beginning of the office so I sit near the door and not far from the stairway. I was out the door and though not running or in a panic, I walked…..FAST towards the STAIRS and hustled my big behind down 14 flights of stairs and made my way out of our building. I was disappointed I wasn’t moving fast enough because I still saw people coming down the steps behind me.
I walked out the door and aside from the hundreds of people I saw just standing there I then saw the two huge holes in the Twin Towers. You could see the smoke and there was paper littering the sky. One of my best friends said he saw people jumping from the windows. I stopped looking. I didn’t need to see that.
I was in front of my building for no more than a minute and I decided to leave. I figured by then this had to be terrorist related and if the World Trade Center was hit then my federal building could be next. I wasn’t going to wait to find out. I walked east towards west Broadway, passing hundreds of confused people standing and looking at the Towers. for some reason I did not take the subway. I can’t remember if I overheard that they weren’t running or if I just got paranoid and didn’t want to be underground, but I immediately decided to walk uptown. I got to West Broadway and I took a few pictures from my disposable camera I always carried, then walked north. When I got to Franklin Street on the number 1 line I got my first confirmation that the subways were not running. I had to walk home. I was in lower Manhattan and live in the Bronx. That is well over 145 blocks before I even get to the bridge TO the Bronx. I started my journey, occasionally turning back to see both the Towers and the growing number of people standing, staring and occasionally crying.
I walked about 15 minutes until I reached Houston Street. I saw a co-worker who told me that nobody had told her anything. I let her know that our building was evacuated and kept it moving. I walked a couple more blocks and the first Tower fell.
I didn’t even see it. I heard the screams of the crowd, turned around and saw only one building standing and a lot of smoke and dust. I continued my walk. I think I got to about 23rd Street then the other building fell.
Meantime stores I passed had radios or televisions playing the news.
By this time I had no cell phone service. In fact, I had to go into a train station to use a pay phone to call my aunt and my father. My aunt then called my mother in Florida to let her know that I was safe since the family knows I work near the World Trade Center. Nobody was allowed into the station though.
By the time I walked by Penn Station I realized a huge problem: Except for the bus, there was no transportation available. People were not allowed into Penn Station. More businesses were being let out and the city busses were packed.
I turned west on 34th Street and walked from 7th Avenue towards 8th and walked north on 8th Avenue. Again, hundreds of people standing and looking south to where the Towers now used to be and listening to whatever news they could hear.
I realized that I didn’t have to walk up to the Bronx. I had a friend and he and his family lived in Harlem. I figured I would take a bus there. That almost didn’t happen. I walked to 9th Avenue and 34th Street and each bus that passed was filled to the maximum. After about 20 minutes or so a charter bus came by and let people off. Apparently they were dispatched to transport people from what is now known as ground zero. Since a lot of people live in New Jersey they needed to get to either Penn Station or the Port Authority. The bus was going up to 72 Street. I got lucky.
At 72 Street I knew of a bus that would drop me off right in front of my destination. Once again, God was with me. MY bus stopped, empty and picked up two loads of people and I didn’t have to walk over five miles. The 5 bus runs along Riverside Drive. Normally it doesn’t pick up too many people going north so we were lucky as not too many more people got on that bus.
At my friend’s apartment, naturally the tragedy was on every station. The transit problem was less of a problem in Harlem. The further from ground zero the less of an impact, at least as it pertained to travel.
Amazingly I wasn’t too worn out from MY travel. I knew though I needed to be with my immediate family though. I was prepared to take the bus the rest of my trip home but thank God the subways started running again that evening. I was able to get home at a reasonable time and connect with my family.
The days, weeks and months after that were peculiar. The rescue and recovery efforts are well documented. I didn’t have to go to work for about two weeks. Even before I went back you could occasionally smell the smoke from ground zero, in the Bronx. Transportation was hell. Subway service was severely disrupted traffic had quite a few diversions.
Going back to work was difficult.
My building has adequate security. The guards are competent and it is difficult to run a car into the building. However, for me, getting to and from work was the worse. As I mentioned I was always rushing to just get to work on time or a few minutes late. The attacks had me overly concerned about my travel so it was now normal for me to be an hour or so late getting in.
My concerns were not so much a bomb on the subway, but having another attack in the city and the subways being stuck with me not being able to get out. Subways like the A, D, F were off limits to me since the doors are locked and you can’t go from one car to another. My feelings were/are if I need to get out I do not want to depend on anyone but myself.
Then there were the health concerns. Being an asthmatic I did not need to be in the area of ground zero. I had to be transferred to another building about a mile away, which was not much of a difference.
The job forced everyone into a briefing where we were forced to talk about our feelings as a group. To this day I think that was inappropriate. If the powers that be were so concerned they should have provided a year of individual services. Through our Employee Assistance Program I got a counselor. In fact he is still my therapist, eight years after the attacks.
How has 9/11 affected me?
Thank God my story is no where near as traumatic as others. I was not in the World trade Center. In fact I wasn’t within eight blocks of it. I didn’t stick around once I got out of my building so I didn’t get caught up in the smoke and dirt from the debris. However I avoid high riser buildings. If I had my way I wouldn’t even live in New York. I am extremely cautious in how I travel, particularly by subway. I still refuse to ride subways that lock their cars. I used to only be able to ride in the first car of the subway so I could see and hear if there were any delays. Now I am able to ride further in the train as long as I have access to a door in case I need to get out. I am more mindful about exits in theaters and buildings.
The anxiety I experience now I believe was triggered by 9/11. Granted I had my anxieties before but the attacks helped it to be more pronounced. And I still worry if I will experience some major health problem because of the poor air quality we had for months.
They are building the “Freedom Towers” where the WTC used to stand. I know I will never step foot in that place, God willing. I don’t need to be in another target.
Archives: originally posted 9/2009
CNN and HBO link
September 21, 2009A long time friend sent this link to me. Many thanks Clark:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/09/21/alzheimers.disease.report/index.html
and
http://www.hbo.com/alzheimers/
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/09/21/alzheimers.disease.report/index.html
and
http://www.hbo.com/alzheimers/
Archives: original posted 9/17/2009
Alzheimer’s Drug
September 17, 2009I’.m watching Judge Mathis and I see an advertisement for a patch for folks with mild to moderate Alzheimer’s called the Exelon Patch. I have to remember the name since Dad’s psychiatrist didn’t know about it by my description.
The drug is supposedly in the patch and it dispurses medication 24 hours.
The drug is supposedly in the patch and it dispurses medication 24 hours.
Archives: originally posted 9/15/2009
9/15/2009
September 15, 2009It’s been a moment.
I have been blessed as Dad has been pretty good for the past few weeks. He had his regularly scheduled appointment with the doctor on 9/11 and both doctors are pleased with his progress.
Dr. Rosman is Dad’s primary doctor at the VA and has been his physician since the mid 1990s. He was with my father when he had colon cancer back in 1997 and before then when Dad smoked cigarettes. He is very pleased with Dad’s progress. In fact he often comments that Dad is the patient he had the longest.
Dr. Rosman addressed the concerns I had a few weeks ago with Dad having dark stool. He is taking iron supplements and I know that can lead to darker coloroed stool and constipation. Dad had the dark stool and I wasn’t sure it wasn’t because of blood so I took him off the iron temporarily. I took him to the doctor a few days later where a visiting doctor (Rosman was on vacation) said the dark stool was normal. After Dr. Rosman and I discussed the iron he checked his notes for the vital signs and was concerned that the blood pressure was something like 180/89.
Now a couple of months ago I was concerned that Dad’s blood pressure spikes. It can be 192/88 or 90/64. When Dad had pneumonia last year his pressure went up to 180/90 or something similar and he was placed on blood pressure medication for the first time of his life that I can recall. In fact I have a funny story about how low his pressure is I will share another day.
After Dad got out of the hospital and nursing home I took him to Florida so I could look after my mother and not be concerned about him. he was still on the medication. He stayed on it until about March when Dr. Rosman determined that due to Dad’s medical history and the fact that he had pneumonia at the time the blood pressure was high, Dad shouldn’t have to take it any more. He first lowered the dose from 10 mg to 5 mg then dropped it while we monitored it. It stayed normal too. I check it daily from home and it is normal…….except when Dad has to go to the senior center across the street for lunch around 11:15. I checked his pressure a few times at around 11 o’clock and what was usually 126/72 was now…on occasion….170/80. I would force him to relax then take it again five to ten minutes later and it would be normal again. Dad was concerned about getting a seat for lunch. Apparently some of the ladies would grab every good seat they could and Dad was worried about that. Did I mention he leaves the apartment at 11:15 and lunch is at 12? And the place is across the street?
Well back at the doctor’s office, Dad’s pressure was high and Dr. Rosman was concerned. I didn’t blink. I told him and the nursing staff about the spikes already. On THIS particular occasion Dad was…pre-occupied with the nursing and reception staff. The ladies really like Dad and pay attention to him. Dad is a smooth one and teases the ladies and they respond, so you will have them”fighting” over him. Dad likes that and naturally gets excited, thus his pressure went up. Dr. rosman though was stunned and asked if I thought he should go back on the medication. Either the one he was already taking or a water pill. Dad has suffered dementia and I don’t need him up during the night more than he already is. I chose the old medication. We have to call at the end of the month to check on the flu shots. He gave Dad a prescription of Claritin and for the blood pressure. I forgot both of them. Thankfully we have some at the apartment.
Dr. Borik is Dad’s psychiatrist. He was assigned to her after dad had hallucinations back in late 2007. She is a middle aged lady with a German (I think) accent andI think she is pretty good. Back in 2007 she put Dad on Donepezil (I know I spelled that wrong) and somehting else to help with the hallucinations. The problem is that medication’s side effects can cause fever and a host of nasty reactions that may have helped put Dad in the emergency room when he had the pneumonia. Problem is as it is with most medications, which do you deal with. the problem or the side effects?
Today, Dad was good though. The Aricept (Donepezil) is working for the most part. No children under the table or boxers sitting in the living room to report about. For the most part Dad is pretty stable. The doctor was happy. I was happy.
I have been blessed as Dad has been pretty good for the past few weeks. He had his regularly scheduled appointment with the doctor on 9/11 and both doctors are pleased with his progress.
Dr. Rosman is Dad’s primary doctor at the VA and has been his physician since the mid 1990s. He was with my father when he had colon cancer back in 1997 and before then when Dad smoked cigarettes. He is very pleased with Dad’s progress. In fact he often comments that Dad is the patient he had the longest.
Dr. Rosman addressed the concerns I had a few weeks ago with Dad having dark stool. He is taking iron supplements and I know that can lead to darker coloroed stool and constipation. Dad had the dark stool and I wasn’t sure it wasn’t because of blood so I took him off the iron temporarily. I took him to the doctor a few days later where a visiting doctor (Rosman was on vacation) said the dark stool was normal. After Dr. Rosman and I discussed the iron he checked his notes for the vital signs and was concerned that the blood pressure was something like 180/89.
Now a couple of months ago I was concerned that Dad’s blood pressure spikes. It can be 192/88 or 90/64. When Dad had pneumonia last year his pressure went up to 180/90 or something similar and he was placed on blood pressure medication for the first time of his life that I can recall. In fact I have a funny story about how low his pressure is I will share another day.
After Dad got out of the hospital and nursing home I took him to Florida so I could look after my mother and not be concerned about him. he was still on the medication. He stayed on it until about March when Dr. Rosman determined that due to Dad’s medical history and the fact that he had pneumonia at the time the blood pressure was high, Dad shouldn’t have to take it any more. He first lowered the dose from 10 mg to 5 mg then dropped it while we monitored it. It stayed normal too. I check it daily from home and it is normal…….except when Dad has to go to the senior center across the street for lunch around 11:15. I checked his pressure a few times at around 11 o’clock and what was usually 126/72 was now…on occasion….170/80. I would force him to relax then take it again five to ten minutes later and it would be normal again. Dad was concerned about getting a seat for lunch. Apparently some of the ladies would grab every good seat they could and Dad was worried about that. Did I mention he leaves the apartment at 11:15 and lunch is at 12? And the place is across the street?
Well back at the doctor’s office, Dad’s pressure was high and Dr. Rosman was concerned. I didn’t blink. I told him and the nursing staff about the spikes already. On THIS particular occasion Dad was…pre-occupied with the nursing and reception staff. The ladies really like Dad and pay attention to him. Dad is a smooth one and teases the ladies and they respond, so you will have them”fighting” over him. Dad likes that and naturally gets excited, thus his pressure went up. Dr. rosman though was stunned and asked if I thought he should go back on the medication. Either the one he was already taking or a water pill. Dad has suffered dementia and I don’t need him up during the night more than he already is. I chose the old medication. We have to call at the end of the month to check on the flu shots. He gave Dad a prescription of Claritin and for the blood pressure. I forgot both of them. Thankfully we have some at the apartment.
Dr. Borik is Dad’s psychiatrist. He was assigned to her after dad had hallucinations back in late 2007. She is a middle aged lady with a German (I think) accent andI think she is pretty good. Back in 2007 she put Dad on Donepezil (I know I spelled that wrong) and somehting else to help with the hallucinations. The problem is that medication’s side effects can cause fever and a host of nasty reactions that may have helped put Dad in the emergency room when he had the pneumonia. Problem is as it is with most medications, which do you deal with. the problem or the side effects?
Today, Dad was good though. The Aricept (Donepezil) is working for the most part. No children under the table or boxers sitting in the living room to report about. For the most part Dad is pretty stable. The doctor was happy. I was happy.
Archives: Originally posted September 2009
I am an apple lover
September 9, 2009IPod that is. My IPod Classic is probably the best thing I have purchased this year. In the past I thought my …other…MP3 players were sufficient and I didn’t want to follow the crowd but DAMN! I love the podcasts and the videos I can watch. HBO put out a documentary a few months ago called the Alzheimer’s Project and I missed it. I can now watch it on my IPod without getting HBO on Demand. In fact I just downloaded it.
Yeah, there are a few other things I can get but the informative stuff I could never have gotten on the other players.
Yeah, there are a few other things I can get but the informative stuff I could never have gotten on the other players.
Archives: originally posted 8/30/2009 (2)
Dinner time
August 30, 2009dad helped a little with dinner. I won’t let him touch the stove but he got the pots and helped me open the frozen peas and carrots so I could cook them. To be honest he could probably cook but I don’t want him to have in his mind that he can so I don’t let him.
I need to check out the Exelon patch. Dad is taking Aricept but I want to be prepared for the future. Hopefully this future is YEARS away but I like to be ready.
I need to check out the Exelon patch. Dad is taking Aricept but I want to be prepared for the future. Hopefully this future is YEARS away but I like to be ready.
Archives: originaly posted 8/30/2009
8/30/2009
August 30, 2009I am no more special than anyone else. Naturally when most bad things happen I think like most other people in that I don’t deserve this. My situation with my parents is no different. I am an only child of both of my divorced and very elderly parents. On my father’s side ther are no nieces and nephews around to help take care of him. That “traditional” Black family consisting of five or more brothers and sisters, several cousins, nephews and nieces does not exist in my household. A few neighbors check in from time to time. A few friends check in on the phone from time to time. There are a few cousins who call. Overall, Dad’s care falls in my hands Thankfully he appears to be in only the early stages of Alzheimer’s. I will revisit this on another day though.
Today was not bad. Dad got himself up and got bathed and dressed for church. He woke me up so I could go downstairs with him and wait for the church van. He did not have to take his medication (not Aricept) so I told him to just fix his breakfast (cold cereal). He was well dressed (Dad knows how to wear a suit!) and prepared for chhurch. I put him in the van, did a little shopping and started preparing dinner.
When he got home a little after noon I was prepared to give him his lunch at about 1 PM. Until I noticed in the sink that the breakfast bowl wasn’t there but the dish I had a late night snack was still there meaning that Dad had no breakfast this morning.
This is unacceptable in our house. Dad knows to have three meals a day. It doesn’t matter how large or small the meal. He could decide to have a bowl of fruit in the morning, as long as he eats something reasonably healthy. I doubt if Alzheimer’s has anything to do with this. This is vintage Dad.
As long as I have known my father he has never been big and has never been more than 150 pounds. Family legend has it Dad was never more than 160 pounds. He used to drink back in the day and always ate like a bird If he had his way he would have a spoonful of rice along with a single chicken wing and another spoonful of rice or vegetables.
Ultimately I fixed him a ham sandwich and he ate it. But it’s frustrating. Just when you tink you can cut the leash and let him breathe a bit something like this happens.
Today was not bad. Dad got himself up and got bathed and dressed for church. He woke me up so I could go downstairs with him and wait for the church van. He did not have to take his medication (not Aricept) so I told him to just fix his breakfast (cold cereal). He was well dressed (Dad knows how to wear a suit!) and prepared for chhurch. I put him in the van, did a little shopping and started preparing dinner.
When he got home a little after noon I was prepared to give him his lunch at about 1 PM. Until I noticed in the sink that the breakfast bowl wasn’t there but the dish I had a late night snack was still there meaning that Dad had no breakfast this morning.
This is unacceptable in our house. Dad knows to have three meals a day. It doesn’t matter how large or small the meal. He could decide to have a bowl of fruit in the morning, as long as he eats something reasonably healthy. I doubt if Alzheimer’s has anything to do with this. This is vintage Dad.
As long as I have known my father he has never been big and has never been more than 150 pounds. Family legend has it Dad was never more than 160 pounds. He used to drink back in the day and always ate like a bird If he had his way he would have a spoonful of rice along with a single chicken wing and another spoonful of rice or vegetables.
Ultimately I fixed him a ham sandwich and he ate it. But it’s frustrating. Just when you tink you can cut the leash and let him breathe a bit something like this happens.
Archives: originally posted 8/17/2009
8/17/2009
August 17, 2009Today Dad surprised me by being awake well before 8:30. Normally he gets up at about 8:30 but when I woke up at 8:11 he was already washed and dressed. Usually this means he had hallucinations. Thankfully he was ok, just reading an obituary he got a few days ago.
Overall, 8/17 was a normal day. I got him his medication plus his two vitamins. As usually (nowadays) he asked me when he should take the vitamins. I let him take his 10 AM np and when he woke up at 11 I took his blood pressure before he went to the center for lunch. His pressure this morning was at first 200/92 then 184/92, then 175/89. This was all between a five minute period so I let him go to the center. He usually gets excited when he goes. Dad usually gets excited in general when he is about to go somewhere. With the center he is afraid he will not get a seat. Apparently some of the ladies get there and bum rush the seats so Dad thinks he has to get there early to get a seat. I got him to relax (for now) and he went for his lunch.
I have to call another lawyer regarding Dad’s financial affairs. The attorney I tried to contact on Friday has not called me back yet.
I decided to add the Alzheimer’s Association and Cancer Treatment Center on my links. I hope I did it right. As I learn more and the more i come in contract with I will add.
Overall, 8/17 was a normal day. I got him his medication plus his two vitamins. As usually (nowadays) he asked me when he should take the vitamins. I let him take his 10 AM np and when he woke up at 11 I took his blood pressure before he went to the center for lunch. His pressure this morning was at first 200/92 then 184/92, then 175/89. This was all between a five minute period so I let him go to the center. He usually gets excited when he goes. Dad usually gets excited in general when he is about to go somewhere. With the center he is afraid he will not get a seat. Apparently some of the ladies get there and bum rush the seats so Dad thinks he has to get there early to get a seat. I got him to relax (for now) and he went for his lunch.
I have to call another lawyer regarding Dad’s financial affairs. The attorney I tried to contact on Friday has not called me back yet.
I decided to add the Alzheimer’s Association and Cancer Treatment Center on my links. I hope I did it right. As I learn more and the more i come in contract with I will add.
Archives: original 8/16
8/16/2009
August 17, 2009This morning wasn’t too bad. I got in late (actually around 6 in the morning) so I stayed up playing baseball on PS2 since I had to leave the apartment at 7:30 to go to church.
Dad didn’t get up UNTIL 7:30 and I couldn’t get out til almost 9 since Dad had to shower, get dressed, fed and medicated. I managed to get to church at 10:30. Thankfully though Dad didn’t try to go to HIS church by himself like he tried to last week. We go to different churches; Dad is in the Bronx and my church is in Brooklyn. Normally thie church sends a van to take the disabled and the elderly to church and they bring them back, but for the last two weeks no one came to pick Dad up. Last week Dad was about to try to take the bus to go to church by himself. I stopped him and took him myself. Thank God he didn’t try that today.
He DID however try to get out of eating dinner later. He had his lunch earlier at 3 but at 8 he climed to not be hungry. He eventually ate but this is typical.
Dad didn’t get up UNTIL 7:30 and I couldn’t get out til almost 9 since Dad had to shower, get dressed, fed and medicated. I managed to get to church at 10:30. Thankfully though Dad didn’t try to go to HIS church by himself like he tried to last week. We go to different churches; Dad is in the Bronx and my church is in Brooklyn. Normally thie church sends a van to take the disabled and the elderly to church and they bring them back, but for the last two weeks no one came to pick Dad up. Last week Dad was about to try to take the bus to go to church by himself. I stopped him and took him myself. Thank God he didn’t try that today.
He DID however try to get out of eating dinner later. He had his lunch earlier at 3 but at 8 he climed to not be hungry. He eventually ate but this is typical.
Monday, October 4, 2010
MY DAY (actually yesterday)
It's funny how you can have all of these ideas floating around in your head...until the time comes when you have to actually put those ideas on to paper.
All day long I had tons of ideas of what I was going to write once I got home. I get home, feed Dad, call Mom and get settled and not one idea is loose in my head.
I finally finished one of my writing assignments for my English class. Funny I did the reading and there was no real problem writing (though my ideas came and went) , however I felt like the black sheep of the class with my article (actually a blog for Ning). The chapters are from a book called NOT FOR PROFIT and the assignment was to respond to the ideas from the chapters we had to read. Problem is I thought Nussbaum's writing was flat. She never grabbed a subject and hit you with it. There were just a bunch of weak arguments pro-humanities. And while I am all for humanities arts and music being taught, you have to hit with some really hard examples or you will lose me. But the class seemed so for the book I didn't want to be the asshole. But I had to do my assignment so.......
Today Dad was fair. He went to the senior center and got home early. He drank his two bottles of sweet water and didn't suffer from any dementia. He did however eat some potato chips and spill them all over the floor. I used the vacuum cleaner before we got more rodents.
All day long I had tons of ideas of what I was going to write once I got home. I get home, feed Dad, call Mom and get settled and not one idea is loose in my head.
I finally finished one of my writing assignments for my English class. Funny I did the reading and there was no real problem writing (though my ideas came and went) , however I felt like the black sheep of the class with my article (actually a blog for Ning). The chapters are from a book called NOT FOR PROFIT and the assignment was to respond to the ideas from the chapters we had to read. Problem is I thought Nussbaum's writing was flat. She never grabbed a subject and hit you with it. There were just a bunch of weak arguments pro-humanities. And while I am all for humanities arts and music being taught, you have to hit with some really hard examples or you will lose me. But the class seemed so for the book I didn't want to be the asshole. But I had to do my assignment so.......
Today Dad was fair. He went to the senior center and got home early. He drank his two bottles of sweet water and didn't suffer from any dementia. He did however eat some potato chips and spill them all over the floor. I used the vacuum cleaner before we got more rodents.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
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